It's a common, and somewhat understandable response. Someone opens up to you about their trauma, whatever it is, and you immediately jump to how amazing they are now. However, I have been repeatedly told that my trauma made me a better person, or that the experience made me kinder or stronger etc. and I'm over it. It's insulting.
When you tell me that my trauma made me a better person, you're taking all my good qualities and attributing them to me being raped. You're telling me that if I hadn't been sexually exploited I'd be a bad person. It feels as if you're saying that I should be grateful for what happened to me because at least I'm stronger now. And you know what? I'm not even sure I am stronger now. Or kinder, or a better person or anything. I'm different now, for sure, but that's not a good thing. It feels like my life is one big before and after, and not a day goes by when I don't miss the before.
Due to what happened to me I'm as cynical at 19 as most adults are in their 40s. I've lost a lot of my teenage years to PTSD, and the teenage innocence that was meant to come with it is gone. I didn't celebrate my last three birthdays properly because I've either been in hospital, a terrified mess or both. I used to love birthdays. I used to be the most outgoing person ever, and now I can't walk down the street in my home town without being terrified.
And you know what? I got myself through my trauma. All the good things that you're attributing to my traumatic experiences are actually down to me, and who I am. I am the one pushing myself through recovery, I am the person who struggled through hospital admission after hospital admission and stuck around enough to see the other side. And maybe I didn't even need to be put in that position in the first place?
I didn't need to be stronger, or kinder or a better person. I needed to be safe and loved. I didn't need everything good about my life ripped from me. Stop trying to turn my horrific experiences into something positive just so that it can be more palatable for yourself because you're hurting me in the process.
When you tell me that my trauma made me a better person, you're taking all my good qualities and attributing them to me being raped. You're telling me that if I hadn't been sexually exploited I'd be a bad person. It feels as if you're saying that I should be grateful for what happened to me because at least I'm stronger now. And you know what? I'm not even sure I am stronger now. Or kinder, or a better person or anything. I'm different now, for sure, but that's not a good thing. It feels like my life is one big before and after, and not a day goes by when I don't miss the before.
Due to what happened to me I'm as cynical at 19 as most adults are in their 40s. I've lost a lot of my teenage years to PTSD, and the teenage innocence that was meant to come with it is gone. I didn't celebrate my last three birthdays properly because I've either been in hospital, a terrified mess or both. I used to love birthdays. I used to be the most outgoing person ever, and now I can't walk down the street in my home town without being terrified.
And you know what? I got myself through my trauma. All the good things that you're attributing to my traumatic experiences are actually down to me, and who I am. I am the one pushing myself through recovery, I am the person who struggled through hospital admission after hospital admission and stuck around enough to see the other side. And maybe I didn't even need to be put in that position in the first place?
I didn't need to be stronger, or kinder or a better person. I needed to be safe and loved. I didn't need everything good about my life ripped from me. Stop trying to turn my horrific experiences into something positive just so that it can be more palatable for yourself because you're hurting me in the process.
Comments
Post a Comment